I Could
by Arrant Schemata
Summary: Jacob leaves a letter for Sam will she follow her heart or her head?


Disclaimer - I own nothing.

Rating - Older kids

Season - Post season 8, pre season 9

Pairing - Sam/Jack

Spoilers - Threads and anything with Pete, also slight spoilers for Season 9

Author's Note - I know I haven't posted for while but RL has been hectic and is about to get worse. My muse also deserted me. The only reason I have managed to complete this fic is because I am staying up all night keeping vigil for a friend in need. This story has been on my hard drive for a while but I've tidied it up and finished it off. I hope you enjoy it, please review as they light a fire under my muse who has taken to disappearing recently.

I Could

_Sam, _

_I could tell you not to cry. _

_I could tell you not to mourn me. _

_I could tell you a million things not to do, but I won't._

_You wouldn't listen to me anyway, you never have. Even when you were a little girl and I would tell you to leave the toaster alone you wouldn't listen and I would come home to find it in pieces on the floor and you with the most adorable look on your face. I could never be cross at you for long, not matter how it seemed to you. _

_But for once I ask that you not ignore what I am telling you. Please, just humour your old man one last time. _

_Look deep inside your heart - who has been there for you through everything, who has held you when you cried, who knows the real you and who do you see yourself growing old with? If the answer is Pete then I hope you will be happy together, but if it's not then you are doing a disservice to yourself, Pete and to your heart. _

_All I have ever wanted is for my little girl to be happy. Every minute that I spent with your mother made me the happiest man in the world. And even if I'd met her, knowing what would happen I would still have loved her. She was the greatest gift, she gave me you and Mark and her love. You deserve to be with someone like that, you are a beautiful person Sam, inside and out. You are worth so much and any man that can't see you for your true worth is undeserving of your love. _

_It's time for me to say goodbye now and I know I will not live to see your decision but hope with all my heart that you have been listening to your old man. _

_Please Sam, think about it. This is for the rest of your life – make the right decision. Don't listen to your head, follow your heart. _

_I love you, and I'm proud of you. _

_Dad_

As Sam reached the end of the letter she couldn't stop the flow of tears running down her cheeks. Even though it was only a few hours since her father had died she missed him so much. This letter was the last thing she expected. One of the Tok'ra who had come through to pay their respect to Jacob and Selmac pulled her to one side before leaving through the Stargate. He had expressed his true regret for their deaths and said that Jacob had asked that she be given this letter once he had passed away.

Sam had held the letter close to her chest until the Tok'ra had left the base. She had then gone to her quarters to read it and was still sitting there now. She couldn't believe her father had written this to her. She knew he didn't like Pete but she never thought he would encourage her not to marry him.

Suddenly, everything dropped into place. His animosity towards Pete and his cryptic death bed comments. He didn't believe that Pete was the right man for her. He knew nothing of her second thoughts or her visit to Jack but he did know his own daughter.

Sam decided to follow her father's advice. She lay back on the bed and closed her eyes. She thought about all the things that had happened over the past year and who had been there for her.

When Janet died Pete was there for her through it all, he came back from Denver early and stayed with her. He may not have known Janet well but he did his best to sympathise. But he tried to distract her from her grief and wouldn't let her brood. Jack may not have been able to be there for her all the time but he was there for her in his own way. He held her close and let her cry, he knew how much Janet meant to Sam and just let her release her grief. He understood.

Whenever she got injured off world Pete would worry and mother hen her. He would treat her as a fragile ornament that could break at any time. Jack would just sit quietly at her bedside and wait for her to wake up. He'd then make a joke about adding another scar to her collection and that soon her medical file would be bigger than his. He never treated her as though she would break. He just expected her to recover and continue with her job. He understood.

And now she had lost her father, her daddy. She was devastated. She knew that when she told Pete he would be shocked and would try to comfort her but she knew from loosing Janet that he would not let her grieve in her own way. He would try to take her mind off it. Jack had simply asked her how she was and let her grieve in her own way. He had held her close and said nothing, no sympathetic murmurings in her ear, just quiet, comfortable silence. He understood.

Sam thought about the real Samantha Carter. Could she say that either Pete or Jack knew the real Sam? Pete knew the Sam that loved classic musicals, would read the Sunday newspaper in bed when she was at home, liked to sit cuddled up on the sofa watching stupid sci-fi films on TV. Pete accepted her for the way she was but always wanted to know more about her life at work. Jack knew soldier Sam, scientist Sam, give me an impossible situation and I'll find a solution Sam. He'd seen glimpses of Sam the woman over the years but she had never truly been able to be herself with him. He accepted that and respected her need to keep Sam the woman and Sam the soldier separate. He understood.

Had someone asked her the day before she met Pete who she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, she would have answered Jack. If someone asked her now she would still say Jack, despite the ring on her finger that said she was bound to someone else. She had never been able to see herself growing old with Pete. That should have been her first clue that something wasn't right but she steamed on anyway, hell bent on getting a life outside of work. She ignored her heart and went with her head, like always. Even when she tried to talk to Jack about her engagement she chickened out of saying what she meant but he understood and let her go.

Lying on her bed Sam realised that there had never been a choice. Jack was the only man she wanted. The only man who simply held her when she cried. The only man who could say a million things with a look. The only man who would surrender his own happiness for the sake of hers. The only man she truly loved. Pete couldn't compare. He shouldn't have to compare.

Sam knew that even though Jack was with Kerry now she could no longer ignore her heart. She had to break up with Pete. She would no longer live a lie. She may not be able to be with Jack but it would be better to be alone and accept her feelings for him than to marry someone she didn't love. She could let Pete live this lie, it wasn't fair.

Her decision was made. Jack was her heart, her soul, her reason for getting up every day and her reason for continuing to find impossible ways to save the world and often the universe. He was her other half. Pete was simply a substitute, a fantastic, caring, considerate man, but only a substitute for what she really wanted.

It was time to follow her heart.

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Deciding to follow her heart actually following it were two different things. Fate seemed to be conspiring against her.

After her initial decision she met Pete at the house he had unwisely bought for her. She told him it was over and was amazed at his reaction and his acceptance. For the first time in their relationship he'd understood.

He knew that he wasn't the man she really loved but was hoping that he would be enough to keep her happy. Sam didn't think she would have been strong enough to make such a concession to be with the person she loved. But Pete obviously loved her so much he would have her any way he could. Her heart broke a little at that thought and could only hope that he would get over this and find someone that truly deserved such a giving and loving man.

Fate allowed her to free her heart from it constraints but decided to bring the world down around her ears. The fate of the universe was at risk again, and she could do nothing to stop it. She just had to hope and pray for a miracle. Standing side by side with the man she loved Sam accepted her fate. And then a miracle had occurred. The Replicators had been stopped. Daniel was back.

Life returned to normal for a while. Well, as normal as life at the SGC got. Her father's memorial services were held and a wake was held at Sam's house. Jack was there for her but she never found the opportunity to talk to him about her feelings, someone always interrupted at the crucial point.

Then an Egyptian urn was dug up in Cairo, it contained a ZPM and even more strangely, a camcorder. It seemed that somehow they had gone back in time, found and ZPM and managed not to change the time line. Sam found the concept a little disconcerting but accepted it.

Now was her perfect opportunity to tell Jack how she felt. He had invited her to the cabin and for the first time she had accepted. What she hadn't realised was that it was going to be a team holiday. She loved Daniel and Teal'c as brothers but they kinda put a dampener on what she had planned. The fates really weren't on her side.

The trip to the cabin was fantastic. It was the break she needed for the world. For the first time in years Sam truly relaxed and simply enjoyed being with the guys. She let her hair down and was more open in her affections. She was the Sam she had been before she had joined the military and was bound by rules and regulations. The guys found it refreshing and humbling that Sam felt she could be herself with them. They had always known that there was a part of her that she kept hidden from her friends, but it seemed she had made peace with whatever demons she had and had let go of anything holding her back.

She notched her flirtation with Jack up several gears and he responded to this. She had found out through the grapevine that Jack and Kerry were no longer together but couldn't decide how to let Jack know how she felt. If they had been alone she would just have thrown herself at him and shown him what she felt but that wasn't an option with the guys around. She didn't know how Jack would react to her actions either; he would probably think it was just her reaction to her father's death. Then it hit her, she should show Jack her fathers letter. Now she just had to find the right opportunity.

Unexpectedly the opportunity arose on their final night at the cabin; Jack told them all he was leaving Colorado Springs to head to Washington to run Homeworld Security. When Sam heard this her heart broke a little more and her world suddenly got much, much darker. What would she do if Jack was no longer around to lean on? How would she cope with everything that life threw at her? How would she save the world if he wasn't there to encourage her? She didn't want to think about the answers to any of those questions. She didn't want to think about her life without Jack in it. She knew that if she wanted to stop Jack from leaving her life she needed to act now.

As the guys were discussing the particulars, Sam slipped from the room and removed her father's letter from her bag. She placed it in her pocket and went back to join the guys. The talking went on long into the night and Sam thought she was never going to get her chance but finally the guys said their goodnights and headed to their room. It was now or never.

Sam moved from her position on the couch and sat on the coffee table in front of Jack. She looked at him until he met her eyes; she slid her hand into her pocket and pulled out the letter. She handed it to Jack and watched as a confused look settled on his face.

"Dad gave this to one of the Tok'ra to give to me after he dies" she explained, "I want you to read it."

"Ok" he said, still confused.

Sam merely watched as Jack read the letter. She could see the confusion only deepen as he read more of the letter. She wished she could read his mind to see what he was feeling but she couldn't, she seemed to have lost that ability when she had said yes to Pete, that or Jack had just got batter at hiding things from her.

Jack reached the end of the letter and looked up at Sam, "I guess Pete wasn't the guy then?"

"No Jack. Pete was never the guy for me but I was so in love with the idea of being in love that I didn't realise it. I had spent too long living in the dark and Pete brought light into my life, or so I thought. I just didn't look hard enough for that light, or I had grown used to it, I don't know. All I know is that you are my light Jack. You are the person who has been there for me through everything, you're the one who held me when I cried, you know the real me and you are the only person I could ever imagine myself growing old with. In simple terms, I love you Jack O'Neill."

Jack simply stared; it was as though he hadn't heard a word Sam had said. But slowly he placed the letter in his lap and raised his hands to cup Sam's face. He gently rubbed his thumbs across her cheekbones and stared deep into her eyes. A tender smile formed on his lips.

"Your dad was right Sam; you deserve a man who knows your true worth. I know your true worth Sam, I know that you will work yourself into the ground to save a friend; I know that you can save the world with nothing more than a crazy idea. I know that you like your coffee with cream and prefer blue jello to red and even though you think I don't know Sam the woman – I do. I know that you love to wear skirts during downtime 'cos they make you feel feminine and I know that you have watched Singing in the Rain more times than even you can count but I also know that you deserve someone so much better than me, but if you've decided that I'm the man you want then I am never going to let you go. I love you too Samantha Carter and I am going to grow old with you."

Jack then leaned forward and captured Sam's lips in a gentle kiss. Sam clasped her hands around his neck and pulled herself closer so that she could deepen the kiss. She opened her mouth and accepted Jack's probing tongue into her mouth. She kissed him back with all the passion she possessed and soon both were breathless. They moved apart and looked into one another's eyes. Sam stood from the coffee table, took hold of Jack's hand and pulled him to his feet. She placed a sweet kiss against his lips and then walked to his bedroom, pulling Jack along behind her.

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Later that night Sam looked down at Jack's sleeping face, he looked so peaceful. Careful not to wake him Sam slipped from under the covers and quickly pulled on Jack's sweater and her jeans. She walked out of the bedroom and out of the cabin. She stood on the porch and looked up at the stars. She stood perfectly still, just listening to the sounds of the night around her as tears slid silently down her cheeks.

Quietly she whispered into the night, "Thank you dad, I finally followed my heart and I know you'd be happy with my choice. I love you."

She continued to stand there and it was there that Jack found her an hour later. He walked up behind her and wrapped both his arms and the blanket he had brought out with him around her freezing body. He simply held her as she cried and together they watched the sun rise on the first day of their new life.

The Beginning...?


End file.
